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squeezed, squeezed. - Who goes there?

Kunbjörntjänst - thank you for calling.

Yesterday there was a small letter on the mat from my retirement savings. It was (roughly): "Thank you for let us know your new address. This letter is sent to both your new and your old address. This will be the last letter we sent to this address. IMPORTANT: zomg IF YOU HAVE NOT CHANGED ADDRESS, YOU MUST CALL U.S. IMMEDIATELY ON THIS ISSUE xxxx xxxxxx! 1! Your reference number is XXX / YYYYY "

Stressed and deeply paranoid, I start googling. On the envelope is common "company The company" - but my savings is of course of "Company Bank "and almost pathologically paranoid as I am, I refuse to use web addresses that follow the message. I may be one step closer to compression stockings, but phishing has heard of. Google can be trusted. The Company The Company and Company Bank is one place that has just been renamed. Pooh. For safety would I check if their help number is the same as the message. It is. I call this number.

Tanya: Thank you for calling Company The company, talking to Tanya.

- Wait .. This will I break in and explain something. I write out Tanja's name, which she introduced herself with, because I know that it is not her real. "Why?" You ask, of course. Why she lied about her name? It is company policy. Not Tanja's own devising.

Brits do EVERYTHING on the phone. They are born with the phones down fished in the face and let them not ever. Doing things on the web, you can actually die from. British firms and government websites is so bad and difficult to navigate to eg do better in that googling "Paying council tax municipal-name" than going to their website and try to navigate to the payment function. It is impossible. It is like trying to play a nonfunctional solo adventure game master Forgot to make an exit from the labyrinth. When over a thousand clicks again find themselves at home begins to cry hysterically. (UK council tax paid by a fixed amount depending on where you live, not what you earn. You pay them with pre-tax dollars. For many, the communal tax one-fifth of their disposable income. usually close to the cone on the people who whine on the tax burden in Sweden.)

What does this have to Tanja's alter ego to do? Well, because the Brits are completely incapable of either construct or use the web tool will call the masses and it requires lots of servicing phones. These in turn are almost without exception located in countries where both the employer does not pay, and where high education and poverty often go hand in hand. Such as India. The giant call center is over-qualified Indians and lie about their names and try to answer questions and complaints from people frustrated to the limit of madness to try to to know things.

You still do not understand? Britons in general - and Engelsmäni particular - is a xenophobic and small-deck analogy. They do not believe that someone who speaks fluent English, but with an accent, can help them. They hang up if they take their calling to India. Therefore presents itself with the operators Anglo-Saxon-sounding names. Nobody goes in there, but it seems to give Britons a feeling of satisfaction to see people at least _försöka_ give way to their "Superiority". So you call customer service and speak with "Steve" or "Annie" and constantly struggling down the operation of self-destructive part of himself. You know the part that thinks "Now! Now I throw husnycklarna over the parapet, into the river "and" Damn, they're Germans. Do not scream Anschluss! Do not scream Anschluss! "And Tanja's and Steve's case:" _Får_ do not scream 'Birdie Num Num'! "

But it's not stretch wrong that I have obsessive thoughts, so I sharpen me all that I can and explain my case.

Tanja: Do you have your policy number?
Me: I have a reference number.
Tanja: I must have the policy number.
I: So the reference number of the letter have no function?
Tanya: No, it's just that we can keep track of the message. (Emphasis added)
I: [realizes that the policy number is buried in hemarkivet] Okay, then I call back in a moment.
Tanja: Yes it is going well, thanks for your call.

Hemarkivspaus.

Annie: Thank you for calling company company, my name is Annie. How can I help?
I: I received a letter stating that I have changed my address with you though I do not. I've only been your customer for two months and has not moved since.
Annie: Can I have your policynymmer.
I: [reciting the policy number, and try not to think about Gunga Din]
Annie: Thank you. [Short pause] we can not handle addresses here. Here is the number of the department who can. They are open between nine and five.

Several questions are piling up in my head. One is: why would I call this number immediately if I changed address: none at this number can help me. Another is: why have a department that handles things that must be dealt with IMMEDIATELY only open when all people with a pension is on the job. Another question is: Why does she need my policy number to tell you that she could not handle URLs?

Do not they know how traumatic it is for retirement? It waives a lot of good money today for later use when they are not worth a farthing? Funnily enough, my reaction on seeing my business to put aside several thousand a month for my future for the elderly only a sense of stress and impending poverty. "Just thirty years on me to save the "Do I think. "How can that be?" I see for myself how I and Eric share a Mariekex a day while we wonder why the dog never rings. We will be accommodated in a box at R80. For you must not imagine that there is any public pension when I pull on my slippers senile.

Then they force me to spend lots of time to think about it also, through losing my address and force me to make calls. I as _hatar_ phones.

I was so stressed about the whole thing to me last week was for me to hit on an ugly house in Lingbo. "Only 11.500 GBP" I tried to enthuse Erik. "Ripe fruit trees and installed heat pump! - That we pay by a few years ago and we own our house then when we get old. "So I was afraid to be left without a roof Island over my head and old that I was actually considering to move to an ugly suburb of Lingbo. Lingbo!

Whom the Bell Tolls. It tolls for me.

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brighter future for you huh?

Retirement is the new. Everyone knows that.

I first thought it to say that adult scores just hailing up, but then I reflected - a bit tired - that I plo ; tsligt not felt comfortable with the adult points to count anymore. When you have enough disappear, as the point of them to happily flirt with the O-grown man, after all, still is. It's fun to _exakt_ years to complete thirty-five and signing a pension agreement with their employer and realize that you probably intend to stay on the job until they go bankrupt or kick one, or until you actually gari pension.

In my policy it says what year I will go retire. It was too much information, I think. They could well be a bit more mysterious - hinta the approximate decade. Not just say straight out like that: in 2039, go into retirement sörru. Not that I will be able to afford to retire then, but still.

Whom the Bell Tolls.

If I cared about adult points they would like not to be so many, but suddenly it's more depressing, than something to giggle at while you snore unbending ( Once and for all: it is much sweeter than wine) and watching signed for adults. (Simpsons, South Park, Family Guy). Maybe, maybe, maybe it's not a big deal to get a nosebleed. Maybe the world does not revolve around Foam Mushrooms.

Here, speed is not a license, mortgage, biljävel or kids. Not even a little hamster is dependent on me for survival - Erik is in all cases the potted plants. Bamboo is a tough rascal, but Angel Trumpet hisses angrily and aggro-droops if I try to take care of it: it accepts only Erik. I stare mournfully at it. "You are betraying sisterhood" I growl at it and throw it to a piece of limestone. Calcareous soil is certainly not good for ... so what the cat is a änglatrumpet?

Wiki Pause.

"Brugmansia suaveolens. Belonging to the family Solanaceae " . Yeah. That was what I knew. We have a potato plant in the living room. Fucking pikeys we are.